Coaxial cables & Cake.

The other day Joe and I began some of our own DIY in the apartment and it turned into a parody of relentless mistakes. We had this horrible eye sore of cable tangled up in our living room and wanted to use a staple gun it to the wall to lead it into the computer room. Okay, not so hard.
We borrowed a staple gun and began to fasten it to the wall. Three staples in and it's already falling apart. Staples are too small. We call it quits. Luckily, the next day we come across a staple gun that holds bigger staples. We then resume the task at hand. It's stapling to the wall just beautifully until the unfortunate staple through the cable. To Home Depot we go (and by now, we know our way around that store!). We get there, literally, 2 minutes before closing and they miraculously did not kick us out. We're rushing down the aisles frantically looking for a new cable of the appropriate size and some staples, as we were running low. Thankfully, an employee who I should be on a first-name basis with by now, helped us out without kicking us out.
We get back home with the items we needed and begin to remove the tainted cable. Once we trace it back to where it was hooked up, we cut it. This task is just taking way too long. All we wanted to do was travel the cable to the other room, not make this an Olympic event. Of course, we cut the wrong cable. Luckily it wasn't detrimental to our Internet service.
Finally, after all that nonsense, we hooked up the cable the right way and stapled it beautifully. It was quite a tedious learning experience but when we were through, we had cake.

Sarcasm is a modern weapon.

Sometimes I become the biggest hypocrite. I find myself committing the same faults I despise in others but I somehow excuse it because it's, well, me.
Why are we sarcastic? I know I use the tactic when I find something incredibly stupid and need to mock it in an less obtrusive way. And I suppose that's why others do it too. When I get slapped with sarcasm, it can bring me to tears. I wonder if I make others feel that way... But I don't despise sarcasm. I hate the bite it delivers where someone you enjoy dishes this remark that feels like a smack in the face. That's not merry at all.
I don't plan on removing sarcasm from my life all together but I could use a serious decrease in its use. Sometimes it's best to say nothing at all, like our mothers taught us.

On a brighter note, I made a wonderful dinner last night of BBQ ribs, lasagna, goat cheese & cranberry salad and cheesecake. No pictures, though =/ Bummer. Oh, and this meal wasn't just for myself, I had friends over. Nice try!

comfort zone

I think the hardest part of sharing your space with any person is one's measure of comfort. We start off in relationships tip-toeing around, being the perfect version of ourselves but after a while you have to let your hair down. That's when heads start to roll.
I just moved in with my boyfriend of a year less than 30 days ago. It's been mostly a positive experience but there have been moments where I've felt overwhelmed and a multitude of other emotions that bring me to tears. Am I unhappy? No. Happiness doesn't just wash away when you hit an emotional wall. I say wall because sometimes I feel as if this person is unreachable. However, this is a difficult learning experience to say the least.
I find myself to be more sensitive and more likely to conceal some opinions I have to avoid an unnecessary disagreement. A lot of people might agree that holding back is the worst possible thing I could do, but let me explain. I have many quirks that an outsider might not comprehend and I am well aware of this. I would not want to be picked on every single time I did something different or behaved in a certain way. A critical analysis of any of my off-color behaviors is only necessary when I am harming someone else. If it's not harming you, why complain? We can't have all our needs met in all circumstances. It's not humanly possible. Well, at least not when you share a bed.
I think I just feel like I am having a hard time even considering another person when I make a decision. I'm used to making decisions for myself, not for me plus-one. And at the same time, I feel like this person is also being selfish in ways that hurt me. Not all the time. It's hard to measure; half the time I think I may be overreacting and others I feel as if I'm warranted to be angry. I don't know where my comfort zone is supposed to sit. My stress level feels as if it's through the roof, but isn't that normal?

green eyes.

I hate knowing where you came from
flashbacks that fast track
you to me, today.
Memories without me
help define you before I.
And those green eyes
try to make me sway
and believe you're something
you never proved to be.
I say things to wish it away.
At times I fail, but today
I succeed.
You don't fit the mold
of what I used to see.

Untitled

I’ve got my little black dress on
Tonight’s my night
Accessories intact, I’m aglow
I’m waiting on you, selfless me
While you were busy scoring your blow

You start yelling nasty words
And your self-loathing is apparent
Just allow me one more sip
Magically, I’m better equipped
To put up with your madness

There’s nothing like being called
A cunt on your birthday
Martinis and misogynistic remarks
What a fabulous way to celebrate
But let’s talk about your anger issues, baby
‘Cause after all, it’s about you today

Unwavering dedication is equal to
Your unjustified bullshit
All because you didn’t get your way
Sorry, darling, the spotlight missed you
But now it’s back, and you’re center stage

You start yelling nasty words
And your self-loathing is apparent
Just allow me one more sip
Magically, I’m better equipped
To put up with your madness

There’s nothing like being called
A cunt on your birthday
Martinis and misogynistic remarks
What a fabulous way to celebrate
But let’s talk about your anger issues, baby
‘Cause after all, it’s about you today

I’m kicking and you’re screaming
On sidewalks of Bleecker
And if the street is any indication
Of our future
We’re finished.

Somehow you’re feeling better
My tears must be your cure
Too bad flowers aren’t mine
And when I see you crawling on those knees
Sadness and anger flee, and I’m perfectly fine.

There’s nothing like being called
A cunt on your birthday
Martinis and misogynistic remarks
What a fabulous way to celebrate
But let’s talk about your anger issues, baby
‘Cause after all, it’s about you today

try, try again.

I wish I knew why I felt sad. I feel like the things you did to me, that they’re public knowledge. It’s as if everyone knows what I endured and so they push me to that point because I have a high threshold for pain. And because I don’t give up easily. Or something equally sadistic. And I feel like all of these things are being used against me. To break me. Somehow, I still am hopeful. But every now and then, I have these expectations that get shot down, and with the intention of being fair, they aren’t huge expectations. It’s just that I feel as if I never receive back the effort that I have put into something. But I don’t stop giving or trying. Maybe I should.

identity crisis

Grey,grey skies
tell the biggest lies
a lost girl wants to know
if taking the high road
makes her elite
like you.